You ask me at parties, pull me aside at business networking gatherings, and grill me at after work happy hours—where are the available men…or the single women? And how do I meet them? Over the next few months, I'm on a mission to sample all things dating in the Bay Area. So, occasionally I'll be bringing you embedded accounts from the minefields of mating.

Surfing through my Internet bookmarks, I came across the site: The Meeting Game ® Salon . The international theme dinner for armchair travelers catches my eye. It's in the East Bay and an evening meeting singles who share a common interest is appealing. I call the company and register. The company sends a private confirmation email containing the location of the event the day before the dinner so as to discourage drop-in guests. Our meal is at Priya, which has been voted one the best Indian cuisine restaurants by the local media.

I re-park my car a couple of times on San Pablo Avenue trying to avoid drug deals in progress and suspicious looking characters hanging out on the street. The proprietors welcome me warmly as I enter the simply furnished restaurant and they lead me to the private area reserved for the dining singles. Joel Koosed, our Host, is at the check in table where's he's collecting our dinner tab of $15 and passing out nametags. No need to worry about that embarrassing moment during group dinner dates when divvying up the bill and puzzling over the tip.

Several people are casually chatting while standing between the two long banquet tables for twenty. Everyone seems relaxed and oddly enough unconcerned with checking each other out, I guess since we've got a couple of hours for dinner, they figure they'll be plenty of time for that later. After about twenty minutes, during which waiters have unobtrusively taken our cocktail orders, Joel addresses the group asking us to be seated by age for dinner, 35-45 year olds at the table on the right, 40-55 year olds on the left. Women please sit in the seats with yellow stickers.

We begin with what Joel calls the “arts and crafts” portion of the night. He walks us through a mixer name badge exercise, then we tear sheets of paper to create personalized placeholders and our “opportunity cards.” The “cards” can be exchanged with other guests to invite them to contact us after tonight's dinner. If you're shy, Joel will privately contact the other party to express your interest. He's quite the courteous chaperone, cheering coach and wise rabbi as he runs this totally hands on labor of love -- no online personals, no computer matching, just a diverse group of very interactive dating exercises. Don't show up at The Meeting Game unless you intend to play.

I immediately start up a conversation with the gentlemen seated across from me. Turns out he's been to quite a few singles events. I ask how long he's been single to which he answers about two and half months. His wife of twenty-four years had recently died after a long battle with cancer. Later the woman who had been seated next him at dinner says to me I'm glad you asked him that question and not I.

At regular intervals, Joel rings a tinkling bell so that as our meal progresses so does the conversation with new seatmates. I meet a couple of men not interested in dating but looking for travel partners; discuss the fate of labor unions and the difficulties in organizing dot-com employees; and meet a long haired blonde cyclist who tells how he elicited lots of stares and curiosity while traveling through remote parts of China.

As his ad promises I experienced "good laughs; fascinating people" but alas no matches.

Next up on my agenda is The Meeting Game's "10-Minute Dating" on Saturday night. Joel claims to be one of the original speed dating ventures. His approach is certainly novel: his events are held generally at neighborhood locations, “10 Minute Dating” brings dating to your doorstep. Most companies host singles events midweek, optimistically hoping you'll find a match for the weekend. Joel says his weekend events are a great way to improve your odds of finding a lifelong partner on a Saturday night.

I hop in my car and head for the Lafayette Community Center in the suburbs of California's East Bay. After driving for what seemed like forever along a dark and heavily wooded road, I finally see the sign indicating I have arrived. Once inside the school gym/cafeteria like space with bright fluorescent lighting, I am a little disappointed by the sparse furnishings. A small stage stands in front of several rows of molded plastic chairs set up facing each other. Later one of my fellow speed daters informs me that the community center was the elementary school he attended as a youngster.

As I survey the crowd of middle-aged, average looking, casually dressed men and women I am not optimistic. Yet, the racial mix of the group pleasantly surprises me, three black women including myself, an equal number of men and a sprinkling of Asians and Middle Easterners of both sexes. Still the vibe is more like a group of people attending a DMV lecture than singles on the brink of romance.

Once we are all seated, I feel like I've entered an alternative testing universe as Joel goes over all the paperwork and the guidelines for the evening. "When I ring the bell, please bring your conversation to a close,” he instructs us. “You're now free to start dating,” he said in his best radio announcer's voice.

Although it is very noisy and you wouldn't think you could carry on a private conversation seated across from someone in a gym, the room hums with activity. Everyone is certainly giving it the old college try. My fourth "date" with the passport specialist moves slowly as he explains his lessened caseload after 9/11. No suspicious applications I ask fishing for a bit of intrigue. “No, we hand those over to the supervisors,” he replies. Next, the diesel truck mechanic and I are a bit conversationally challenged until I discover he is going on a cruise to broaden his horizons. I offer all the travel advice I can muster in ten minutes.

During the break we are treated to coffee, tea and cookies in the "VIP Lounge", folding tables against a far windowless wall. I remember wondering during a couple of early “dates” how I was going to make it through the night without my usual Cosmopolitan--conversation-starter-cocktail. Turns out many of the men are Meeting Game veterans and know the drill. They are quite chatty and keep the conversation moving with the traditional icebreakers: "Where are you from? What's the last great movie you saw?"

Despite Joel's strict instructions and "covenants of behavior", I am surprised at how pain-free this dating format proves to be. No, there aren't many people claiming to have experienced instant chemistry but without the hormonal pressure, people seemed pretty serious about getting down to the business of getting to know one another. If you like a slower old school approach, with much polite conversation and grownup civility than this is the group for you.

After my first ten dates, I choose to call it a night. By my calculations, I've had twenty-five dates this week with the help of The Meeting Game Salon. A social calendar any single could be proud of. I check two matches and turned in my form. Joel emails you by Wednesday with your matches. Don't call him over the weekend he tells us, no matches until Wednesday. For those without email he'll call you.

Wow! I get lucky. Two matches: the academician from UC Berkeley and the software engineer from Columbia, South America.

Dating Dossier: The Meeting Game ® Salon
Founder: Joel Koosed

Started: 1999

What they do:

The Meeting Game ® Salon
Meet 50 to 100 people, a few at a time, at an evening of short, structured, thought-provoking, group conversations and ice-breakers.

10-Minute Dating ™ In one night, you'll have the opportunity to enjoy short, structured, individual conversations with as many single men or women as you can "date" in one night.

Dinner Date! ™
Join us for dinner at a gender-balanced table (or two) of 8 to 10 single men and women, divided by age and/or interest group, at one of the Bay Area's great restaurants.

Joel's Single Savvy:

1. Dress like you're making a first impression on someone you'd like to see again.

2. Pick out the people in the room you'd like meet and make sure to meet them.

3. Plan on meeting one hundred qualified (single) candidates to meet the right one for a relationship.

Registration:

Online: www.meetinggame.com

Telephone: 510 525-6207

By mail: 1185 Solano Ave, PMB# 133, Albany, CA 94706

Great Places to say “Be Mine” this Month:

The Meeting Game ® Salon hosts “ Dinner Date! – Meet Your Valentine Dinner In honor of upcoming Valentine's Day; join others who have dedicated themselves to finding their next Great Love this year! ("Could be? Who knows? It's only just out of reach, down the block, on the beach...")

There will be general seating plus individual tables for Jewish singles and Asian singles.

     Thursday, February 12 , The Atrium Restaurant, S.F. Men and Women ages

MatchLive.com celebrates San Francisco Magazine's February "singles" issue, and invites you to join them for the Sexy and Single in the City Party at Loft 11. This party mixes cocktails, giveaways, a fun and fabulous dating game, a phenomenal venue and a whole lot of Singles... not to mention it is sure to be the biggest Thursday night of the year!
    Thursday, February 5 Loft 11, S.F. Men and Women ages 21 -35

The 8minuteDating cupidParty is a national phenomenon! This year's event will be Tuesday, February 10, 2004 i n over 121 cities! Last year's cupidParty had 72 events in 52 cities with over 2500 singles participating - and the results were terrific! 60% of attendees got a match. This year's parties are going to be even BIGGER!!

    Tuesday, February 10 , Jillian's @ Metreon, S.F. Men and Women ages 25-35

     Tuesday, February 10 Julie's Supper Club, S. F. Men: ages 38 –48, Women ages 35-45

At HurryDate , dating is fun…and in mass quantities. Imagine meeting twenty-five potential Valentines in one night! They bring together tons of singles, a cool bar, lots of drinks, t his month's drink specials from Stella Artois and a wild, anything-goes vibe to make each HurryDate party a total head-spinning blast.

    Thursday, February 5th Amante, S.F.; Men and Women ages 25-35

    Wednesday, February 11th The Edge (Icon), Palo Alto; Women

                               ages 30-40, Men ages 35-45

From the Editor (Michael D)...

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