Romantic

EpiCenter at Yerba Buena Center
INFORUM at The Commonwealth Club
Contemporary Extension at SFMOMA
International Hour and the International Diplomacy Council

SINGLES & Doubles...
by Jerusha

“Retro Romance” is an intermittent series of columns about the forgotten pleasures of dating and relationships. Back in the day, everyone knew that….

A Kiss Is NOT Just A Kiss

The best kiss I received recently was from a guy I clicked with at a speed-dating event. We arranged to meet a couple of weeks later, so I could interview him about his single status for my forthcoming book.

There we were, seated across from one another at a tiny coffeehouse table, cautiously flirting between the lines of conversation. This man was fairly good-looking and intelligent, but overly confident. He obviously enjoyed relating his relationship conquests to me. And yet, the sexual tension between us was so taut, you could have tied us together with it. At one point he leaned forward and said loudly into my mini tape recorder: “I'm lusting after you right now!”

My mind raced. “How am I going to keep my attraction to him from changing the story?” I thought as I scribbled notes and tried not to smirk at his double entendres. “Am I asking all the questions I should be? Is this really a proper interview? Dammit, just kiss me already !”

After three hours of intimate, tell-me-your-deepest fears conversation, he walked me to my car. What began as a friendly hug quickly morphed into a passionate full body embrace, and his head bent to mine to deliver a soft satisfying kiss.

The evening ended with a two-hour make-out session in my car. My lips still tingle at the memory.

I'd forgotten how much fun just kissing can be. Kissing is an underrated couples activity, and it needs to come back in style. People are jumping into bed so fast they're missing the exhilarating warm-up!

There's a TV commercial I just love right now. It's for a national cellular company. The woman is doing everything in reverse order, eating dinner for breakfast, walking her dog backwards and the final shot shows her on a first date, where the guy is about to order dinner and she flips the menu away and kisses him. After all, isn't the promise of an incredible goodnight smooch the reason everyone suffers through the awkwardness of the first date?

A great kiss is the expression of a pure connection. When our bodies align themselves and our lips lock for those precious seconds, it's like the sensual version of the Vulcan mind meld. A kiss can speak volumes about compatibility, dexterity and creativity. A prolonged pucker has been known to shove a not-so-good-on-paper guy into the wow-I-think-he-may-be-The-One category.

Wouldn't you rather avoid the multiple rounds of musical chairs at speed dating events by engaging in the old-fashioned chemistry experiment of the kiss? Find out what you need to know about a person in a 30-second kiss rather than hold an empty, three-minute conversation. You're instantly privy to the emotional, mental and sexual IQ of your partner.

Maybe kisses do tell. The fleeting brush of lips often holds the promise of later passions. A guy's casual peck on the cheek surely lets a gal know she ranks right up there with his sister. And anyone who's suffered through a tongue thruster knows actions speak louder than words in the bedroom.

No matter how many personality quizzes you take or personal ads you write, a kiss dares to bare your true nature. Your eyes may be the windows to your soul, but sharing a kiss can fling those windows wide open. You can even connect with someone if you don't speak his or her language – just let your lips do the talking.

And think of the wonderful variety! The Kama Sutra alone catalogues more than 250 different kinds of kisses between lovers. But really, who enjoys monotonous smooching? Ease from the French kiss to the Eskimo kiss. Trace a tongue gently along the mouth's contours or nibble on the smooth, sensitive flesh of the inner lip. I once read about a “chocolate kiss” on a Web site soap opera, and was definitely intrigued by the technique that involves a person blowing gently on the ear of another, then making contact with a quick flick of the tongue. Definitely try that one at home!

Speaking of location, the best place to kiss is anywhere you can, anytime you can. Wrapped like a pretzel in a darkened movie theater. Wedged in the back aisles of your favorite bookstore. Behind the church at your best friend's wedding. In the air ducts at your corporate offices. Smack-dab in the middle of noonday traffic.

However, one must use common sense. For example, you can't believe everything you see on, say, the big screen. Just because it's up there that doesn't guarantee it's great. Sometimes the director doesn't get it right. Sometimes the actors don't get along. But when it works, it works . Who hasn't wanted to act out that fantasy kiss on the beach in “From Here to Eternity?”

And while kissing doesn't require any special training and we have the necessary equipment, mind-blowing mouth-to-mouth is not guaranteed. A close friend of mine had a major revelation recently when she had a one-night-stand gone bad. “If I had kissed him first, I never would have gone home with him. He was such a bad kisser,” she confessed. Lousy kissers abound, but I figure it's like tennis: the better your opponent, the better player you'll become.

Besides, the rewards definitely outweigh the risks. Kisses are the most intimate conversation our mouths can have without saying a word. A kiss is never just a kiss. Whether a passionate embrace or quickie buss on the bus, for a moment in time our hearts race, our spirits rise and time really does stand still.

Oh, and about that wonderful kisser – I haven't seen him since. I guess maybe that kiss was just a kiss. But WHAT a kiss!

What about you, dear readers? Write and tell me about the best kiss you ever gave or received.